It’s a new year! If you missed the clusterf*ck of 2021 you can find it here –
Who else is ready to put 2021 behind them? I certainly am so let’s hit play on this sucker.
Every day is a fresh start
Everyone looks forward to the new year for a fresh start but when you think about it every day is a fresh start. Every second really. Because you just have to change what you’re doing, right?
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions because I find it strange that we use that one day to jump start a new beginning when we can jump start one whenever the f*ck we take a breath. And after last year I’m more in line with that thinking because hello! breast cancer!
There’s nothing better than facing the immediate possibility of death to change your mind about things.
I’ve always been a no bullshit person but since being diagnosed with cancer I have found my tolerance for bullshit and stupidity and general crazy has completely disappeared. I’ve had to bite my tongue a lot. It’s annoying.
And I know how that sounds. But honestly I don’t care that it might come across as mean or impolite or whatever.
I’m done with tolerating crap in my life. It’s my life and it’s not an infinite one.
It’s why I haven’t been online for the last few weeks. I don’t need that in my life while I’m enjoying my life.
After 2 years away from family I’m all in. And by all in I mean nonstop visits and get togethers and lunches and dinners and playtime and naps and dirt diapers. I’m exhausted and as horrible as it sounds I’m looking forward to going home on Sunday so I can rest. Then I feel sad because I have no idea when we’ll be able to come back.
(Of course that going home depends on the PCR test we take on Friday. If that comes back negative we’re boarding the plane, if not….who the f*ck knows what will happen. They keep changing the guidelines!)
I know I’ve pushed myself more than I should while here. I’ve tried to be careful but I just love spending time with my kids and Gbabies and because we haven’t in so long and have no clue when we can do it again, we’re saying yes to everything!
I’ve had swelling in my legs and arm which means I’ve put pressure on my lymphatic system. I’m trying to relieve it with the exercises and massage technique the physio taught me but it’s not having as much of an impact as I’d like. Then again, I guess it’s like scooping water out of a bucket while pouring it in. That bucket isn’t getting emptied any time soon.
My health is another reason that I’m looking forward to going home. I need to get back to calm, quiet days where I can put my feet up and not feel bad about it.
The next few days are going to be good and hard. Good because we’ll be seeing the tribe everyday and hard because now we’re packing ready to fly home.
Leaving home to fly home.
It’s an interesting conundrum.
Sydney is home. But so is Singapore. Singapore is where we live. But Sydney is where the tribe is.
This trip more than any other has torn us up and going home this time will be harder than ever because we’ve missed so much in the last two years and because we have no idea when we can come back. It sux all round.
So while this visit has been amazing, it’s also been horrible.
And maybe that’s my hormone meds f*cking with me but I don’t think so. I’d hate to think I’m bouncing through all these emotions due to the meds I’m on. That would suck.
Okay, let’s get back to the new start thing. Today my ‘new start’ is to remind myself that I’m still not ‘well’ and I need to give myself a break and remember I can sit down and rest.
I should sit down and rest.
Nobody is going to mad or upset about that. And if they are then I’ll remind myself of something else.
Those that care don’t matter. Those that matter don’t care.