Bracing or turtling?
We’re closing in on the end of season 4 of this shit show and I’m more freaked out than I was when the doctor uttered the words you have cancer.
Why?!
Why is it so much harder – mentally – the further away from diagnosis I get.
I’m cancer free. Sure, I’ve got to hit the 5 year mark to be ‘cured’ or in the clear or whatever the hell they call it, but as of right now I’m cancer free.
I think.
I hope.
September 1st I’ll know for sure. But I’m optimistic.
Ever optimistic.
And I’m turtling.
We’ve talked about that before, right? It’s where I tuck myself into a comfortable shell and ignore everything I don’t want to deal with.
Coping mechanisms are different for everyone and I’ve discovered mine are different depending on the situation.
And maybe I’m not turtling so much as bracing myself?
After the emotional hit of visiting Machu Picchu I’ve struggled to bounce back and with the joy of a new Gbaby I’ve been able to ignore that struggle. Hence the turtling comment.
But maybe I’m not doing either of those and life is just so busy I don’t have time to examine my emotions.
Except with my tests only a few weeks away I’m forced to face this next milestone.
And before that Mr. C and I are off on another bucket list adventure.
Italy, Greece and Austria.
Five weeks of traveling before we land in Singapore for those 4 year tests.
I’m trying to not think about the time I’ll spend in doctors’ offices. I don’t want to be down on this trip. For me and for Mr. C. So…
I’m turtling.
I’m bracing.
And while I tuck all that to the back of my mind I’m going to enjoy the f*ck out of another bucket list adventure.