Another one down
This time 3 years ago I was being prepped for step 2 of my breast cancer treatment. Radiation. I’d endured the surgery (was 3.5 weeks post op) and healing well enough to be blasted with radiation.
At times it feels like yesterday. At others like it never happened.
I still have guilt over how ‘not sick’ I was. It’s why leading up to this year’s annual checkup I couldn’t get onboard with everyone saying ‘but you’re okay, not sick or anything’, because I wasn’t sick the first time.
It’s no comfort to be well when the first time I was sick I didn’t know it, didn’t feel it.
I doubt I’ll ever be able to accept my health as ‘well’ just because I feel well. It’s why every bump, every bruise, every sniffle or cough or pain has me going through a freakout before common sense kicks in.
It’s hard to live with the knowledge that my body tried to kill me once without me being aware of it. Except living in fear isn’t any better than living in ignorance so I’ll continue to be vigilant and have regular checkups. Speaking of…
Year three of this shit show is done!
Yearly checkup scans were two days ago and the results were in today!
**cancer free, come dance with me**
Holy hell. I can not tell you how much this year’s tests have been weighing on my mind. I didn’t really think they were until I spent the last few nights not sleeping and when the doctor said everything was cancer free I had the urge to jump up and dance around.
I didn’t. But still. The urge was strong.
Of course what really held me back was the worsening of one of the side effects of the meds I’m taking to inhibit the growth of the type of cancer I had. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before.
Bone density.
Basically, the hormone I take can compromise bone density so they have me on another med to help keep my bones dense.
Yeah, it’s not working all that well.
According to the specialists a woman ‘of my age’ can expect some loss. Just not the level I’m experiencing. And while it isn’t unexpected (it’s listed as a side effect after all) the percentage is more than my doctor is happy with so now I’m off to another specialist.
A new specialist.
In a new country.
Because I can’t see one in Singapore. I have to find one in Sydney. I’m not sure how this is going to play out having two specialists based in Singapore and one in Sydney.
Oh! And speaking of the second specialist in Singapore. My oncologist is happy with my results and recovery enough to say ‘see you in two years’! Woot!
**cue more dancing**
So this year’s results are a mixed bag of good and bad.
Of course the good outweighs the bad a hundred fold because…
I’M CANCER FREE
My surgeon actually said in his mind I’m cured. We just have to wait until the 5 year mark to really shout it. But damn it feels f*cking good. So so good.
And because I’m passing the 3 year mark this is the last post for season 3 of this shit show.
But don’t worry. I’ll be back with season 4 soon. I’ve got lots of things I want to talk about when it comes to living with breast cancer because in spite of that cancer free result I still live with the disease every day. And I’m not the only one so I’m going to continue to share my journey because something I say just might help someone else.