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The day life changed
August 16, 2021
It’s been twelve months since I entered the hospital for a double biopsy. Until that day I honestly hadn’t been worried. Or no more worried than I normally am when I know I’ll be around needles.
But August 16 last year was a huge wakeup for me.
First, because of Covid restrictions I had to go to the hospital without Mr.C and until I was there getting checked in to my room and handed my hospital gown that hadn’t bothered me.
But then they arrived with a wheelchair and took me to the first of my biopsies that was being performed with the help of a mammogram.
It didn’t go well. Neither did the second biopsy which was ultrasound assisted. (I spoke about the drama of it all in the Pilot Episode.)
At this point things got real. And while August 19 is the day I hear the words ‘you have stage 1 breast cancer’ the 16th is when I started to think this wasn’t going to be nothing.
I’m still coming to terms with the fact I had cancer.
It doesn’t seem real most days.
I joke about it. About throwing out the cancer card to get my way. I don’t, but still, it’s a thing I do. And yes, I know some may find it insensitive or offensive for me to do that and probably think I should apologize or stop but that ain’t gonna happen because I recognize the fact that joking about it helps me deal with it.
The reason I’m talking about it is to point out that everyone deals with things in different ways. My way of coping is not going to be the same as someone else and their way won’t be mine.
And that’s okay.
It’s more than okay.
Cancer or any major illness that’s life threatening is a big deal, for those with it and those closest to them. Even those on the outer edges of my life have in someways felt the ripples of my diagnosis.
There are times when I think I should be aware and considerate of everyone else but then I remember that I’m the one living with this and while I’m cancer free right now I’ll live with this for the rest of my life. Therefore, no, I’m not going to worry about anyone else.
I don’t have the brain space for that.
I’ve spent a lot of the last year inside my own head. I don’t talk about my battle very often outside of these Boobs Behaving Badly episodes.
Who knows if that’s a good way to deal with everything. At this point I’d have to say for me it is.
I’m doing okay. I’m not the same as I was but I’m not too different either.
And when it comes down to it, I can have millions of people at my side supporting me but ultimately this is my fight.
No one can get through it but me.
Zena Foster says
You are brave and you are strong, how you got here isn’t important, the fact that you fought this battle your way is all thats important. I’m so very proud of you, like you said 12 months ago, you went into this alone, that tells me so much about you, I know you’re family were all there for you but I can’t imagine what that day was like for you. That’s the day you started fighting.
Stay strong, keep dealing but most of all keep being you.
Sending all my love, hugs and best wishes. Xxxx
Eileen AW says
HUGs!! You hit the nail on the head when you said “Cancer or any major illness that’s life threatening is a big deal, for those with it and those closest to them.” I still get in my head 23 years after my heart attack. I start panicking when I have flutters or aches in the chest area. So I totally get where you are and where you are coming from. Take care. I’m glad to have been on this journey with you.