1 YEAR CANCER FREE!!!
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August 31 marks 1 year since I became cancer free.
1 year.
12 months.
365 days.
I’d tell you how many hours if my brain was capable. (FYI: it’s not!)
I should celebrate. This is a milestone worth celebrating, right?
But I don’t feel like it.
I actually don’t feel like anything.
I’ve been in this weird head-space about today for a few weeks now and while I can appreciate how important today is and I’m ever so grateful to be here I also want to hide from it.
I still find it difficult to get my head around the fact that I’m a breast cancer survivor.
Don’t get me wrong I’m thrilled to be a survivor but I also I hate that I am.
I had breast cancer.
Those are four words I find myself repeating in my head a lot because it’s all still so surreal.
I had a check up with my oncologist on Monday. No issues there, see you in six months. And still, STILL, I struggle with the knowledge that I had cancer.
It’s annoying. And frustrating. And to be honest, sometimes I want to slap myself.
Maybe I should celebrate. Lord knows it only takes a drink or two to get me drunk since my radiation treatment.
Oh, and today is the 1 year anniversary of the Pilot Episode of Boobs Behaving Badly.
Yep. We’re rolling out the milestones this week.
So 1 year ago today (actually right now as I type this) I went under the knife to remove a cancerous tumor from my breast.
(Even those words don’t make this seem any more real.)
Some days I wonder if maybe none of it happened and what I’m remembering is a book I read.
Ha!
That would be my preferred option.
Instead, it was all too real even if I still can’t get my head around it.
1 year.
12 months.
365 days.
Cancer free.
This is BIG!! You do need to celebrate this first milestone, of the many to come. Look for the positive. Look for the sunshine. Look for all you have accomplished.
I have family that have had breast cancer, both totally different outcomes and I totally understand your hesitation to celebrate. Whilst you are one of the lucky ones and you received your treatment and a year on your here to tell that wonderful story, I think when you’ve gone through something so traumatic, it takes more than a year for you to feel truly normal. It’s still to real.
Each milestone is an achievement that can be celebrated but you do it your way, maybe you could open a window and yell to the world that you are a survivor! or maybe sit in a quite room and reflect on your story, either way there is no pressure for you to feel anything about the recovery stage your at.
Don’t be to hard on yourself, you have to deal with this in the way that’s right for you.
Keep living your best life, you can’t change the past but you can control the future.
Sending lots of hugs and congratulations of course. xx