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Rhian Cahill

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Boobs Behaving Badly – Episode 19

February 2, 2022 · In: Boobs Behaving Badly

 

If you’re new here or missed an episode you can check them all out here –

Pilot Episode ~ Episode 1 ~ Episode 2 ~ Episode 3 ~ Episode 4 ~ Episode 5 ~ Episode 6 ~ Episode 7 ~ Episode 8 ~ Episode 9 ~ Episode 10 ~ Episode 11 ~ Episode 12 ~ Episode 13 ~ Episode 14 ~ Episode 15 ~ Episode 16 ~ Episode 17 ~ Episode 18

I’m late! I’m late! So before I get any later let’s hit play on this sucker.

Things are kinda dark this week.

First let me apologize for being late but you see it’s Chinese New Year so yesterday and today (Wednesday) are holidays which means it feels like the weekend. In fact we’ll have THREE weekends in nine days by the time Sunday rolls around.

Honestly, I thought yesterday was Saturday! Anyway, let’s get into the meat of this weeks episode.

It’s been a crap week. I’ve still got a lingering cough (it’s not bad but it’s definitely annoying) and I’ve managed to cough apart my rib cartilage and ribs. I know because I’ve done this before and f*ck me does that shit hurt!

To top it off I haven’t been feeling well, I won’t go into details, they’re rather shitty (literally!) but I’ve pretty much laid in bed for the last few days.

And I’ll admit to feeling sorry for myself for the first time since I heard the words ‘you have stage 1 breast cancer’. This of course triggers other emotions like anger.

Yes, I’m angry. At myself. For feeling sorry for myself. I have nothing to feel sorry about. I’m alive. I’m cancer free. Things could be so much worse.

And yet, it’s okay for me to feel sorry for myself. This past year has been one health issue after another and if that doesn’t make my looming birthday and the number that will click over real as f*ck I don’t know what does.

I wish – I want – to snap out of it and Mr.C has helped a little by having a stack of things lined up for us to do with friends. It means I can’t lay in bed all the time.

I have to get up and shower and put clothes on.

I don’t want to.

I want to stay inside, in the nest I made in our bed and read and generally ignore every other f*cking thing in life.

This is the second week of more downs than ups emotionally and I’m starting to worry about that.

Is it because I’ve been sick in one way or another since we got home from visiting the tribe? I don’t know.

I do know I won’t let it go on for much longer before I make an appointment with a doctor. (I know. Another doctor’s appointment!)

It’s got to be done though. If I can’t snap myself out of this (or Mr.C can’t drag me around Singapore enough to snap me out of it) I’ll need to seek help. Which brings about another emotion.

Guilt.

What the f*ck is wrong with me that I can’t be normal? Be grateful? Be thrilled and excited that I’m cancer free?

Where the f*ck is my head right now?

Do I need to seek that help now?

I don’t know.

I need to work it out.

Maybe once I’m feeling physically better my head will be better.

I just don’t know and that f*cks with my head more.

I swear, if there was a way to see inside peoples heads no one would want to see inside mine this week.

I don’t want to see inside mine!

I don’t want to do anything.

And that shit needs to stop.

Now.

I’m marking today as the day this shifts.

We’re heading out to hang with friends at a local landmark and I’m going to enjoy myself if it kills me.

Not really. But I’m going to put in the effort because I can’t go dark again. I’ve been there before and not only did I not like that dark I didn’t like the weird nothing that came with the meds.

I guess that means I need to find something (or someone) to help.

This weeks episode is pretty negative but that’s where I am and I’m not going to apologize for it because this is real. It’s what I’m living.

It’s life without a filter.

** Episode 20 **

By: RC · In: Boobs Behaving Badly

About RC

Rhian writes page-turning stories that make your pulse thump. She's an Aussie expat living in Singapore and a breast cancer survivor.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Eileen AW says

    February 2, 2022 at 11:08 am

    You have been through so much since your diagnosis, let alone the pass 2 years with the pandemic and the shuts downs and not being able to travel to see the tribe or the gbabies being born. Seeing someone for help should not be viewed as a negative. You need to release all those feelings that have built inside you. Be adament that you DO NOT WANT medication and those weird feelings they’ve given you in the past. Take care Rhian. I’m sending you lots and lots of HUGs along with positive vibes and healing thoughts. <3 <3

    • RC says

      February 4, 2022 at 11:08 am

      Thanks Eileen. I’m so grateful for all your comments and extra thankful for you hugs, positive vibes and healing thoughts.

  2. Nicky says

    February 2, 2022 at 2:35 pm

    First up. Huuuuuuuuuge hug and appropriate beverage for you.

    You know where I’ve been at and I had someone who had a similar journey comment when I made mention of the rollercoaster that was quite far down and I was all why the f*&^ am I this way. She pointed out, when you get your diagnosis and then the treatments and then and then and then…..you don’t have time to have all the emotions at that point. They sneak up when you are in a place to have them rise up.

    While your re feeling crappy your brain and body/heart/emotions have a chance to rise up and usually when you least see it coming. And you’ve been on the high and rollercoaster of seeing the gbabies, travelling the whole thing. It’s I suspect something no one ever or rarely talks about re cancer. I know I’ve had moments while driving or randomly somewhere and it hits me that I had cancer, or that I feel guilty about some aspect of it or whatever.

    Be kind and so gentle with yourself. Get appointments as you feel is appropriate. You (or Mr C) will know when it’s needed. Sending you so much hugs and love.

    • RC says

      February 4, 2022 at 11:11 am

      You’re right, Nicky. And I don’t think it’s helped that this is the first time I’ve actually been sick since the pain and discomfort of surgery. It seem so surreal. It’s not even six months since my diagnosis.
      As for that drink….some days I wish I was a drinker so I could just get shit faced.
      Hugs right back at you!

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Jake Conners is ready to put the past behind him and give his son—the one good thing to come out of a disastrous relationship—the best he can. Moving to Sunnyville to rebuild their lives and repair the friendship his ex ruined is the new beginning they both need.

Mallory Dawson is in Sunnyville to make amends for her stepsister. She never meant to get close to Jacob or Maddox but living in the garage apartment of their new house keeps her in constant contact and as each day passes, she's pulled into their lives and closer to the duo.

The last thing either of them wants is a relationship, but as their friendship grows their connection becomes harder to deny. With each encounter Jake’s heart opens more and 

Mallory’s love for Maddox is one the toddler never received from anyone other than Jake.
But when Mallory's link to Jake’s past is revealed the fallout leaves her without a place to live and a broken heart. With the threat her family represents, she's forced to accept the budding relationship the three of them have is gone.

Devastated and with no hope of getting the thing she wants most—a family with Jacob and Maddox—Mallory is willing to put everything—including her life—on the line to ensure her stepsister can never again hurt the two people she loves most.

Rhian Cahill’s Fallout is an emotional, single dad, second chance contemporary romance written in K. Bromberg’s Everyday Heroes Worlds project.

#Fallout #KBWorlds #EverydayHeroesWorld #JakeAndMallory #Maddox #SingleDad #StartingOver #SecondChance #SmallTown #AgeGap #Nanny #TragicPast #SecretHeir #Billionaire #SiblingsEx #ContemporaryRomance #KindleUnlimited
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𝑆𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑡𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝑀𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑚𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑎𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡.

For Rylan Conners, flying for Mercy-Life is a haven after twenty years in the military and the breakup of his marriage.

Mazey Novak took the flight nurse job at Mercy-Life to escape the horror show her life had become.

Neither is looking for a relationship, but they can’t ignore their chemistry. One explosive encounter draws them together in a way they never expected.

A surprise pregnancy isn’t what the doctor ordered, but it’s an opportunity for each of them to have the life they’ve always dreamed of.

When a flashback from the past threatens to tear down everything they’re building can Rylan and Mazey become a real family or will their pasts ground them forever?

Rhian Cahill’s Flashback is a sexy, workplace, friends to lovers, contemporary romance written in K. Bromberg’s Everyday Heroes Worlds project.

𝐁𝐮𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰:  https://amzn.to/30kXR8W

𝐀𝐝𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐁𝐑 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: https://smarturl.it/FlashbackGR 

#Flashback #KBWorlds #EverydayHeroesWorld #RylanAndMazey #FriendsToLovers #SurpriseBaby #Wordplace #FirstResponder #MenInUniform #KindleUnlimited #ContemporaryRomance

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