Oh man, can you believe we’re up to episode 21? Missed the 20 before or the pilot episode? Catch up here –
Pilot Episode ~ Episode 1 ~ Episode 2 ~ Episode 3 ~ Episode 4 ~ Episode 5 ~ Episode 6 ~ Episode 7 ~ Episode 8 ~ Episode 9 ~ Episode 10 ~ Episode 11 ~ Episode 12 ~ Episode 13 ~ Episode 14 ~ Episode 15 ~ Episode 16 ~ Episode 17 ~ Episode 18 ~ Episode 19 ~ Episode 20
Aw, this series is all grown up now. I know we’ve been at this a while but let’s hit play on this sucker.
Should I stay or should I go?
That’s a good question. Should I keep writing these posts? I was thinking about dropping them back to maybe once a month but then I was wondering who I’d talk to about all the shit going on in my head as well as the stuff going on with my body now that we’ve hacked out part of my boob and loaded me up with radiation and hormones.
The last week has been a slap to the face for me. Don’t misunderstand me, it’s been a great week. I’m writing again (a lot too) and that feels great but I’ve ‘tripped’ over something several times since last week that I can’t seem to get over.
I had cancer.
It doesn’t seem real. I still haven’t hit the 6 month mark since diagnosis and yet, I’ve had cancer and now I don’t.
Surreal doesn’t begin to describe it.
Seriously, I’ve had to lift my arm and look down my top to see my scars to believe it.
Things could have been so much worse and I shudder to think about that but the thing is…
I HAD CANCER!
I’m struggling with that fact this week. Struggling hard actually.
Maybe it’s because the book I’m writing has a heroine who lost her mother to breast cancer. She’s a breast cancer surviver herself too.
It brings some crazy stuff to mind and yet I’m not really writing about it on the page yet. But when I’m writing in the heroines POV I’m there, I feel that knowledge in a way I’ve never felt before. I’m connected on a deeper level to this woman than any other character I’ve written.
In some ways I’m kind of writing my own life.
It’s not quite the same because no two woman face the same things when dealing with breast cancer but there’s a kinship there that brings out my own emotions and stirs up thoughts that are hard to push aside.
But here’s one thing I know. My heroine? She’s going to get her HEA (happy ever after for those who don’t know the term) and she’s going to live a long satisfying life.
Me too. 😀
Still, I keep going back to that thought.
I had cancer.
And now I don’t.
Talk about a mindf*ck.
I know I’m only (okay, not quite) 6 months out but when does this end? In 5 years when they say ‘hey, you can come off those hormone meds now’, or in 10 years, or 20?
Will it ever end?
Or will I be here in 20 years talking about the same things, asking the same questions?
It’s food for thought that’s for sure.
It’s also a little depressing.
Then again if I’m here talking about it, asking about it, then I’M HERE!
In other news, I’m getting another Gbaby in August. 😀
Have I told you all that yet?
Oh, and it’s a boy!
Which pleases, #PrincessandthePea and #BoxerBoy because they already have 2 girls. El and Em are looking forward to having a brother.
No they’re not! They’re kind of clueless about it. Well, maybe not El, she gets it that Mummy is having another baby but Em just turned 1 and as far as she’s concerned the world is all about her. We’ll see how she likes it when her brother comes home.